• Aron Vetesi

Building Confidence

Updated: Dec 12, 2019

I’ve been coaching a lot of people recently and the number one thing that people seem to have problem with is confidence. People have various desires and dreams yet lack of confidence totally holds them back from going after them. I thought I’d write down all the things we can consider (tips) to build confidence and self-esteem whether you need it for creating the lifestyle you have always wanted, changing careers to pursue your dream or re-creating your health.

I think we need to start with our beliefs, the very thoughts we nurture every single day. If you don’t believe you can do something your confidence will invariably dip. Changing your beliefs around what you want to pursue is the most powerful way to increase confidence. There are great NLP techniques to do that. Once you shift your self-limiting beliefs (deep down overcoming your fears) to empowering beliefs, your confidence will significantly improve.

Speak your confidence into existence. Having changed your beliefs you may want to further embed your positive statements in your brain. Saying out loud that you are confident and you can do this in various different ways can significantly speed up the process of installing your brand new empowering belief. Our spoken words can have heightened state of emotion which helps embody the new belief.

Understand your values. Values conflict is very common in our lives. The first thing you can do is to clarify and then rank your values. List what’s important to you in your life and rank them accordingly. This will give you clarity and a sense of certainty.

Stick to your principles/values. Having ranked your values, you can now make sure you commit to living by them. If you compromise your integrity by not sticking to your values you will leak power and confidence. I’ve come across people who approached me for coaching. We scheduled the first session but never showed up. They never notified me either. This might seem like a trivial thing but if you compromise your integrity in that way and expect people to treat you with respect at the same time, then you have a value conflict. So keep your word, be on time, and raise your standards!

Appreciate your talents, your gifts. What are you good at? Everyone is gifted, talented and unique. Keep honing your craft. You are bound to get better at it and become more competent if you put in the work. It will greatly boost your confidence.

Physical confidence is also very important. Any kind of progress you make in life increases your confidence. Say you are making progress in transforming your body. Not only are you increasing the happy chemicals in your brain but you also hold yourself in positive self-regard as a result. Of course it’s all about consistency, isn’t it? If you create a habit of exercising daily, you have that boost to your confidence being fed every single day!

Chucking down. When people set a big goal, they often feel overwhelmed. The goal may seem unreachable or the road seems uncertain. We need to break the picture down into small chunks. Dealing with bite size step goals will be more rewarding simply because we feel a sense of accomplishment as we achieve those mini goals. And as we are doing so, we are building tremendous momentum.

Celebrate your small victories. Achieving small goals can tremendously boost your spirits. Create a list and regularly look back on it. Pat yourself on the back that you’ve accomplished all of these things so far. Reflect on each of them and appreciate the learning, the wisdom and the confidence you gained. Make sure you embrace the emotions of gratitude, appreciation, fulfilment etc..

Get out of your comfort zone. Growth can never be comfortable or convenient. As you are stretching yourself you are expanding your confidence in almost all areas in life. Great confidence builder! Set yourself up for a task that is uncomfortable for you. Go for it with a feeling of excitement that you are going to improve in some way.

Perfectly imperfect. Whatever comes out of your mouth now or whatever you do now is perfect. Why? Because at this moment you are doing the best you can with the resources you have available and based on your current belief and knowledge. We, as human beings, are meant to make mistakes so we can learn from them and continue to grow. Also, imperfections make us real! Of course there is always room for improvement, and that’s what motivates us to do better next time, but at this moment you are enough.

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